Putting some thoughts into order
nothing special about them.
2 minute readTime is passing by so this needs to be quite quick.
Trying to grasp my mind’s images, just as I ascend from chaos into order again.
Should I even try to do that? Is that duality a useful mental model? I don’t really care to find out - it’s been a long time since I’ve been there.
Curly Hair, Cute Smile, Lovely Cheeks decorated with some freckles and an atmosphere from another dimension.
Or at least that’s what my mind constructed.
An old movie, inside the heart of Athens. Slightly leaned against me, was this something I should take into consideration?
Walks, talks, cigarettes, alcohol, everything leading me somewhere. Red furniture, low lights, a nice fairytale unfolding before my eyes, or in my mind.
And then thoughts got scattered. No reason, no cohesion, no answers, just existing. Like sitting on the edge of something magnificent - your heart beating and your emotions getting crazy. Your mind though knows: once you take the leap, the little fairytale is going to fade away.
That’s why sometimes it’s better not to take it.
Back to me.
Sometimes being really lost, give you answers. What do I want? I want a nice house, surely. I want people around me to hop onto my reality and become adventurous explorers.
Sometimes really random processes end up having a large effect on us. Like sending a message, and suddenly your mind wanders and may even change. Is it the place you have been or is it the chemicals?
Like I recently read, once you assign a higher probability on a decision Vs another, you probably have already taken it.
Feeling strange, not knowing what is happening, is really lovely. Attractive, I would say, in such a way that you want to get devoured into it. To let yourself get dragged down to whatever is happening, see how it ends.
At that point, your thoughts are pretty useless though. Don’t make the mistake of trying to figure things out - just feel. Feeling is a pretty personal experience, despite often having the illusion that the head next to you shares a similar reality.
Nevertheless, there is something intriguing about that. When your mind ends up being organized again, you are baffled about what happened. Surely, you must have gained something. Or you feel you have. No idea what though…
Maybe it’s a little confidence. That you should just think for yourself and jump into your decisions. Even if you are not 100% sure, just jump into them with all your heart. It doesn’t matter if the river is dangerous, if the waters are full rushing. Stop worrying about all that. Just act like the shore is on fire, and leap into the river. See where it gets you.
Things don’t have to be super clear, just clear enough. Super clear is dangerous - even if you are clear about not being certain. Leave something to randomness, curiosity and emotions.
Or else I won’t survive on this planet.